Can you blame me? Can you blame me for always feeling lonely? Angry? Why? Why do I yearn so much for people to like me? I don't fucking understand. No one truly recipricate the love back to me. I want more. I need more. But i can't have any. I'm never anyone's pirority. But i choose to live with a smile on my face, because I don't people to think i'm just a whiny prick. I dont know why, but in every point of my life I would fall for a girl. Pratically any girl that was nice to me, that was adorable. This girl, M.OO just has a grip on me.
Even knowing we would never be more than what we are now. Friends. I appreciate it though, and i understand, if you would to like me back it would be selfish, because i know you like him. And i'm someone that he looks down to. (Fat fuck) This insult would have stink as much if I was'nt reminded of the girl i like, likes you.
Overall, i'm good, well, and surviving, Haha, life is hard, just have live it though.
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Sunday, May 24, 2015
Question. questions?
Question, always question whatever decision you make.
Why? Well, simple we have to consider every aspect of the decision we make. Good, bad and complicated. I question myself about everything, even as I'm writing this blog. So why do I feel the need to question you ask? Well, it's because up to this stage of my teenage life, I felt that I made more mistakes then correct decisions. But it's okay, because I can see those good decisions brought me up to a leader, a person who is able to mix with others well, a person of good heart. I love myself for that.
However, those bad decision as bad as they seem, they also allow me to grow. From being fat, and doing nothing about it, leading to so many heart breaks. Why? Why don't girls fall for me? I lied. I know the reasons i'm fat. Girls often love to hang out with me because I am there for them but they reserve me as their friend that they can come to in time of need and comfort, but never saw me as someone they can love. The only regret I could possibly have is that I have yet to throw my laziness out of my life. I want to look good, but I want to eat. The fucking struggle. I love, and yearn so much to be loved back, but to no avail. (Who am i kidding? A 19 year old talking about love. Are you sure that is love you are feeling?) The most frequently asked question for myself.
And yes, I'm still crushing over the crush in my class, even though I don't have the guts to go for it, knowing that it may cause future awkwardness. Sigh, I hate awkwardness. I yearn to love and i yield. Because I'm afraid I might lose her even as a friend. I need a sign, a helping solution to my problem. I need a friend to help me through this phase. Who among my friends could do it? No one comes to mind no one.
I want to, I need to get you to be part of my life.
"Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?"
"That's the only time a man CAN be BRAVE."
-George R.R Martin
Why? Well, simple we have to consider every aspect of the decision we make. Good, bad and complicated. I question myself about everything, even as I'm writing this blog. So why do I feel the need to question you ask? Well, it's because up to this stage of my teenage life, I felt that I made more mistakes then correct decisions. But it's okay, because I can see those good decisions brought me up to a leader, a person who is able to mix with others well, a person of good heart. I love myself for that.
However, those bad decision as bad as they seem, they also allow me to grow. From being fat, and doing nothing about it, leading to so many heart breaks. Why? Why don't girls fall for me? I lied. I know the reasons i'm fat. Girls often love to hang out with me because I am there for them but they reserve me as their friend that they can come to in time of need and comfort, but never saw me as someone they can love. The only regret I could possibly have is that I have yet to throw my laziness out of my life. I want to look good, but I want to eat. The fucking struggle. I love, and yearn so much to be loved back, but to no avail. (Who am i kidding? A 19 year old talking about love. Are you sure that is love you are feeling?) The most frequently asked question for myself.
And yes, I'm still crushing over the crush in my class, even though I don't have the guts to go for it, knowing that it may cause future awkwardness. Sigh, I hate awkwardness. I yearn to love and i yield. Because I'm afraid I might lose her even as a friend. I need a sign, a helping solution to my problem. I need a friend to help me through this phase. Who among my friends could do it? No one comes to mind no one.
I want to, I need to get you to be part of my life.
"Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?"
"That's the only time a man CAN be BRAVE."
-George R.R Martin
Friday, May 8, 2015
Dem feels
So, the girl I was so sure was the next one, did not turn to be so, or at least I am not going to try anymore. Why?
Well, maybe because someone used my phone to send "yo!" to perfect crush i was having. They say never peeked behind your heroes. That is so fucking true. Without starting the convo, the future seemed so opened between us, I loved that, I can get to imagine stuff and plan a desired future.
But now, hahaha. I cant, seeing her still make me have tiny butterfies in my stomach, but i dont know how to get closer to her. I dont know how to break this particular level or friendship. I just dont know. I really wished that i had'nt text her. Being blue ticked by ur crush hurts. Hurt to another level that i couldnt explain. Maybe its because I havent felt this way about any other girl other then my ex-date.
I havent felt something like this in a very long time, so i guess this did hit me a little. But i mean, its been 3 weeks and i fell for her. What the fuck. This is for the best. I can be her friend, and that's it. Well seeing her new blog post made me realise something i already did but i often lie to myself to make me feel better. It is that, I have no looks, I am fat, and i have no game.
My friend would differ from this, saying that i look fine, im the nicest guy they know. Nice. Nice, what a contradicting description. By being nice, to a girl you get treated like a nice friend. Well, that's a nice way to say it.
Reading her post on the blog made me realise that she was in fact have feelings for someone else, and who am i of all people to get mad about it. I fell for her the moment i had interaction with her. What a freak, Ahaha. Well, as the saying goes, "If you love something, set it free. If it's yours, it will find it's way back to you."
You might say I am giving up before i try, well maybe its true. 19 years, I havent experienced a true r/s. I have never kissed a girl, not even a peck. So i guess im a loser when it comes to these things. The reason why I dont mind people laughing at me, is because i know im a joke.
Im not beaten down, i know i will come back from this stronger than ever, but this is just a sudden gush of hurt coming this way. I hate myself for freaking crushing on her. ahhhh i have no one to blame then myself. This is Beverly all over again. Fuck thiis and fuck everything.
Shall end this at a happier note, is that at least i will get to see her on monday. :)
Well, maybe because someone used my phone to send "yo!" to perfect crush i was having. They say never peeked behind your heroes. That is so fucking true. Without starting the convo, the future seemed so opened between us, I loved that, I can get to imagine stuff and plan a desired future.
But now, hahaha. I cant, seeing her still make me have tiny butterfies in my stomach, but i dont know how to get closer to her. I dont know how to break this particular level or friendship. I just dont know. I really wished that i had'nt text her. Being blue ticked by ur crush hurts. Hurt to another level that i couldnt explain. Maybe its because I havent felt this way about any other girl other then my ex-date.
I havent felt something like this in a very long time, so i guess this did hit me a little. But i mean, its been 3 weeks and i fell for her. What the fuck. This is for the best. I can be her friend, and that's it. Well seeing her new blog post made me realise something i already did but i often lie to myself to make me feel better. It is that, I have no looks, I am fat, and i have no game.
My friend would differ from this, saying that i look fine, im the nicest guy they know. Nice. Nice, what a contradicting description. By being nice, to a girl you get treated like a nice friend. Well, that's a nice way to say it.
Reading her post on the blog made me realise that she was in fact have feelings for someone else, and who am i of all people to get mad about it. I fell for her the moment i had interaction with her. What a freak, Ahaha. Well, as the saying goes, "If you love something, set it free. If it's yours, it will find it's way back to you."
You might say I am giving up before i try, well maybe its true. 19 years, I havent experienced a true r/s. I have never kissed a girl, not even a peck. So i guess im a loser when it comes to these things. The reason why I dont mind people laughing at me, is because i know im a joke.
Im not beaten down, i know i will come back from this stronger than ever, but this is just a sudden gush of hurt coming this way. I hate myself for freaking crushing on her. ahhhh i have no one to blame then myself. This is Beverly all over again. Fuck thiis and fuck everything.
Shall end this at a happier note, is that at least i will get to see her on monday. :)
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Crushes
Hey, Im just writing this for fun, or at least for the future me to see it and remember how i felt at this moment of my life.
I guess this is why i kinda like the idea of blogging. It isnt like twitter or facebook where my status and updates can be seen.
This is all for me. Part of me definitely want the girl I'm crushing on to see this, but I guess this is too much. No matter how cool she is. Okay, to be honest the real reason I'm writing this is because she recently blogged too, about her life and struggles of being alone.
As much I would like to, I cant tell her hat I can relate to what she is feeling. I have many groups of friends, close, but not close enough. I have many brothers who I believe would actually come to my aid when I feel down, but not willingly nor happily. As much friends that I have, I'd always felt alone. I don't know why, perhaps it's just me.
This girl, other then being cute and my type, possessed the type of personality I would want as a girlfriend. I know, I know, who am I? Thinking of having such an awesome person to be my girlfriend? Am I even worth her time? No, i'm not. However, all I want is to hug her, spend time with her, talk to her, and cuddle with her. She just gave me the type of feeling where I would feel comfortable to be with when I hang out with her, but now, I feel that I should stay clear of her.
Thinking of what I did to my last date, it is propably the worst thing i've done to a girl.Breaking up through a text? Dick move Ryan... I know.. I know.. But it's human nature to have greed is'nt it? Would I be able to get close to her? Would she accept a fat and ugly person? I wonder? Even though I'm not even texting her now... You have made me feel something special towards you that I haven't felt towards a girl for a very long time. You are cute, awesome, and your personality is just way to cool haha. Maybe one day, maybe. I do wish we can connect more as the semester progresses, I'm not sure whether I am going to try to go after her, but damn, she's really intrigue me to know her more.
Future me, when you are reading this blog, please don't think I was naive, just let this be an innocent memory to keep. XoXo to you. M.OO HAHHA this is funny, her name like cow! hahahaha.
This is all for me. Part of me definitely want the girl I'm crushing on to see this, but I guess this is too much. No matter how cool she is. Okay, to be honest the real reason I'm writing this is because she recently blogged too, about her life and struggles of being alone.
As much I would like to, I cant tell her hat I can relate to what she is feeling. I have many groups of friends, close, but not close enough. I have many brothers who I believe would actually come to my aid when I feel down, but not willingly nor happily. As much friends that I have, I'd always felt alone. I don't know why, perhaps it's just me.
This girl, other then being cute and my type, possessed the type of personality I would want as a girlfriend. I know, I know, who am I? Thinking of having such an awesome person to be my girlfriend? Am I even worth her time? No, i'm not. However, all I want is to hug her, spend time with her, talk to her, and cuddle with her. She just gave me the type of feeling where I would feel comfortable to be with when I hang out with her, but now, I feel that I should stay clear of her.
Thinking of what I did to my last date, it is propably the worst thing i've done to a girl.Breaking up through a text? Dick move Ryan... I know.. I know.. But it's human nature to have greed is'nt it? Would I be able to get close to her? Would she accept a fat and ugly person? I wonder? Even though I'm not even texting her now... You have made me feel something special towards you that I haven't felt towards a girl for a very long time. You are cute, awesome, and your personality is just way to cool haha. Maybe one day, maybe. I do wish we can connect more as the semester progresses, I'm not sure whether I am going to try to go after her, but damn, she's really intrigue me to know her more.
Future me, when you are reading this blog, please don't think I was naive, just let this be an innocent memory to keep. XoXo to you. M.OO HAHHA this is funny, her name like cow! hahahaha.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Social studies! Arghh
My goshhh! Ss!! In a couple of hours ss test! D; wish me luck! I love u ilmia. <3
Common test period~
Its the dreadful time of the year again! Its the common test period.. Darnnn gotta study much harder!! :) alright gonna work hard and do well! :D all the way guys! All those ppl, good luck!
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