Dem feels

  So, the girl I was so sure was the next one, did not turn to be so, or at least I am not going to try anymore. Why?
  Well, maybe because someone used my phone to send "yo!" to perfect crush i was having. They say never peeked behind your heroes. That is so fucking true. Without starting the convo, the future seemed so opened between us, I loved that, I can get to imagine stuff and plan a desired future.
   But now, hahaha. I cant, seeing her still make me have tiny butterfies in my stomach, but i dont know how to get closer to her. I dont know how to break this particular level or friendship. I just dont know. I really wished that i had'nt text her. Being blue ticked by ur crush hurts. Hurt to another level that i couldnt explain. Maybe its because I havent felt this way about any other girl other then my ex-date.
   I havent felt something like this in a very long time, so i guess this did hit me a little. But i mean, its been 3 weeks and i fell for her. What the fuck. This is for the best. I can be her friend, and that's it. Well seeing her new blog post made me realise something i already did but i often lie to myself to make me feel better. It is that, I have no looks, I am fat, and i have no game.
  My friend would differ from this, saying that i look fine, im the nicest guy they know. Nice. Nice, what a contradicting description. By being  nice, to a girl you get treated like a nice friend. Well, that's a nice way to say it.

Reading her post on the blog made me realise that she was in fact have feelings for someone else, and who am i of all people to get mad about it. I fell for her the moment i had interaction with her. What a freak, Ahaha. Well, as the saying goes, "If you love something, set it free. If it's yours, it will find it's way back to you."

You might say I am giving up before i try, well maybe its true. 19 years, I havent experienced a true r/s. I have never kissed a girl, not even a peck. So i guess im a loser when it comes to these things. The reason why I dont mind people laughing at me, is because i know im a joke.

Im not beaten down, i know i will come back from this stronger than ever, but this is just a sudden gush of hurt coming this way. I hate myself for freaking crushing on her. ahhhh i have no one to blame then myself. This is Beverly all over again. Fuck thiis and fuck everything.

Shall end this at a happier note, is that at least i will get to see her on monday. :)