Question. questions?

Question, always question whatever decision you make.
    Why? Well, simple we have to consider every aspect of the decision we make. Good, bad and complicated. I question myself about everything, even as I'm writing this blog. So why do I feel the need to question you ask? Well, it's because up to this stage of my teenage life, I felt that I made more mistakes then correct decisions. But it's okay, because I can see those good decisions brought me up to a leader, a person who is able to mix with others well, a person of good heart. I love myself for that.
   However, those bad decision as bad as they seem, they also allow me to grow. From being fat, and doing nothing about it, leading to so many heart breaks. Why? Why don't girls fall for me? I lied. I know the reasons i'm fat. Girls often love to hang out with me because I am there for them but they reserve me as their friend that they can come to in time of need and comfort, but never saw me as someone they can love. The only regret I could possibly have is that I have yet to throw my laziness out of my life. I want to look good, but I want to eat. The fucking struggle. I love, and yearn so much to be loved back, but to no avail. (Who am i kidding? A 19 year old talking about love. Are you sure that is love you are feeling?) The most frequently asked question for myself.
    And yes, I'm still crushing over the crush in my class, even though I don't have the guts to go for it, knowing that it may cause future awkwardness. Sigh, I hate awkwardness. I yearn to love and i yield. Because I'm afraid I might lose her even as a friend. I need a sign, a helping solution to my problem. I need a friend to help me through this phase. Who among my friends could do it? No one comes to mind no one.
   I want to, I need to get you to be part of my life.

"Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?"
  "That's the only time a man CAN be BRAVE."
-George R.R Martin